How to Love Yourself


How to love yourself. The answer is simple.

You can’t.

I know that seems very negative to say to someone, but at the same time, it’s the truth. Loving yourself is hard. You can’t just wave a wand at someone who hates themself and say, “Love yourself! You’re such a great person!”

No, it takes a much bigger process than that!

It bothers me when there are people out there who expect someone to love themselves in one day because someone else told them to. It doesn’t exactly work like that. In this world, with 7 billion people, no matter who you are, everyone has one thing they hate about themselves; whether it’s their chubby cheeks, or that they don’t have a thigh gap, or even the fact that they won’t smile because they think their teeth are ugly.

Our insecurities end up getting the best of us, and at the end of the day when we look at ourselves in the mirror, we just hate ourselves. And it doesn’t even have to be our looks. Our voice, our loudness, how energetic you are; we all seem to hate it, big or small. In our brains, there is a constant war whether we hate or love what we are. And hate always seems to win.

Our issue with who we are prevents us from living us the best life we can. We spend half of our life thinking, ”How can I change myself?”

Loving yourself is hard. For everyone. It takes time and little steps before someone can even consider loving themselves. To me, I feel like accepting yourself as a person is the first step for anyone to love themself. Accepting yourself as a person, as a real human being that does have feelings like everyone else in this world, is crucial for loving yourself. That no matter how much you pray and cry in front of your mirror, that thigh gap you work hard for every day is not going to happen because your bones don’t work like that; the freckles aren’t going away because your face can’t just change with your tears; your voice can’t just stop being “annoying” to you, and your crooked teeth you hide won’t just be perfect with a word.

You don’t belong to anyone else, so understand you will never be anyone else, and that’s okay. Seeing yourself in a whole new light, and realizing what you are made of, will cause acceptance. When you finally accept who are as an imperfect human, you will realize those freckles that glaze over your face look like constellations, that your crooked teeth are so adorable because it makes your smile happier, and your voice you find annoying, can actually cause change.

I know this is easier said than done, because in the end, does anyone ever make it past the first step into loving yourself? We are never satisfied, and this prevents us from making it past the first step, and prevents us from loving who we are. Everyday, everybody struggles with accepting themselves, and when they think they make it past the first step, they always find something they hate on because humans just naturally compare themselves to everyone.

At the end of the day, when I’m laying in bed at 4 a.m. staring at the ceiling looking at nothing, I realize that it’s okay to be me.

I hate myself, I really do, and I’m always trying to change every little thing about me. And maybe that’s okay. I hate myself, but I know one day, I will start accepting myself because my insecurities are useless and temporary. I can’t spend my whole life hating myself because what will I accomplish in the end?

Right now, as I slowly stab myself with unnecessary words just because I hate myself, I try my best to focus on what is good about me: How I can always find the best in everything, how I’m willing to help no matter what, and how I think I can do great things, and my nose, because it makes me happy.

The more we think about the positive things about us, the less we focus on the negative. Every day, I like to make a list of what I did well  today, and what I think what makes Chika, Chika. I look at the lists when I hate myself, and I realize that I am actually better than I make myself out to be.

I know it’s hard for people to think on the positive sometimes, but you have to try. What have you got to lose? If you don’t try, you will spend the rest of your life just wallowing in sadness, and will you ever be happy? I know it’s going to be hard thinking about the positive things about yourself, and it’s going to take time, but I know your brain will if you just let it.

It might be hard at first, so let me start out with this:

We were born to live. We were born to exist. We were born by the universe to be here, and the universe loves us. We were born to love and be joyous and yell and move and cry and be free. Learn to stop wallowing in your sadness and your patheticness you made up in your mind. Don’t care about the others, because I bet you, they probably hate themselves too. You deserve a good life. Defeat all the negatives, including your devil that says how bad you are and build a throne from their bones! Learn to live! It will take time, but I know you can do it.  

How to love yourself. The answer is simple. You can’t. But can you accept yourself instead?