Senioritis epidemic claims lives


Jenny Lee

Seniors Josh Thompson, Julia Lynch, and Miguel Samano, and even teacher Heather Frame have become infected by Senioritis.

Jenny Lee, Senior Editor In Chief

This is a message from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC): the West Ranch class of 2015 is becoming slowly infected with Senioritis. Students who have been infected by the Senioritis virus have evidently shown symptoms of this notorious disease, and the sight is appalling– seniors are falling asleep in and out of their chairs, not completing their homework, showing up to school late or not even showing up at all (instead, spending their time at IHOP), and finally, just not caring about anything academic.

“The infection is sad and tragic, I’m noticing the bags under seniors’ eyes are growing and I have to clean stains of drools off my desks. The good side is I don’t have any work to do because nobody is turning in homework,” said West Ranch English teacher Heather Frame.

Senioritis is a crippling, debilitating illness that mainly targets seniors, especially in January, right after college applications have been submitted. Senioritis is not a disease that can be passed through contact, but simply buds naturally in the graduating class every year. The effects are fatal– mainly to grades and attendance records.

Currently there are only two strains known– Type A and Type B. Those infected with Type A do not experience major effects and simply come to class later than they normally do but they still attend their classes and make up their work. Victims of Type A will usually survive the semester and continue to do well.  However, victims of Type B experience more drastic symptoms. These infected seniors become sluggish, lose track of time and date, dress mainly in sweats or pajamas, and ditch class for Starbucks or IHOP. Even when they know they have homework, they blow it off and copy it from their friend in the morning. Others practice the “art of bs” as they try to make it seem like their work is actually work. Overall, Senioritis sucks the academic life and motivation from seniors and dispels them beyond teachers’ and parents’ reach. The only known cure for it is “graduation,” and of course, another symptom of seniors infected with Senioritis is knowing how many days are left until the event. Seniors then spend the summer after graduation recovering from Senioritis to prepare for the incoming fall college semester or work or whatever they choose to do after senior year.

Out of the 553 students of the senior class, approximately 60 percent have been infected thus far and have begun to show various symptoms of Senioritis. Approximately three percent of these students haven’t even shown up at all this semester.

“The epidemic we’ve had, in every kind of illness it could be, is terrible,” said West Ranch Health Technician Kathy Cooper, who, on average, sends at least three seniors home sick with Senioritis.

Fortunately, a majority of infected seniors only have Type A Senioritis. However, after spring break, more and more seniors may be staying home sick with Type B Senioritis. Diane Love from West Ranch attendance predicts that “When the weather turns, senioritis is going to hit big time.”

Senior Noor Makan is one of the students who have unfortunately been diagnosed with Senioritis. Makan has been exhibiting severe symptoms and rarely comes to class.

“I’ve been infected with Senioritis for a long time, and I honestly can’t wait to graduate,” said Makan.

Although there have been a few cases in which classes below seniors have caught Senioritis, there has been no significant evidence to prove such cases, for only seniors can really attain the symptoms of Senioritis.

Regarding vaccinations to prevent falling victim to Senioritis, the CDC recommends that juniors, sophomores, and freshmen take AP classes with frightening teachers their senior year that will keep them on their toes even after January of their last year or to treat senior year like it’s any other year. To all the seniors– hang in there, and to everyone else– beware.